Being In A Band With Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend | Pros, Cons & Advice

band members in a romantic relationship

Whilst joining a band with your boyfriend or girlfriend serves as an opportunity to bond with one another, it does comes with a certain level of risk. Keep reading to learn about: 

  • The pros
  • The cons 
  • Further things to consider

PROS

1. You Trust Each Other

Trust is a major part of being in a band. You place a significant amount of trust in your fellow bandmates to fulfil their allocated duties, contribute creatively and show enthusiasm towards the project. Additionally, bandmates have to trust each other when putting forth a financial investment or a piece of intellectual property (such as an original song). 

 

Trust often takes an extended period of time to fully develop, which is something many bandmates initially struggle with. However, it’s likely that you and your significant other have already built up a distinct amount of trust between you. This can get the logistical aspects of the band off to a great start. 

 

2. You Understand Each Other

A band truly thrives when the members have a good understanding of each other’s personalities, intuition and ways of thinking for the following reasons: 

  • It saves time: If you know each other’s schedules, you won’t have to deliberate back and forth when scheduling rehearsals and/or shows. Additionally, you’ll know how to best-approach sensitive issues. 
  • It enhances your live performance: If you have a good understanding of a fellow members’ intuition and way of thinking, it makes it much easier to bounce off of one another in a live setting. 
  • It enhances your creative output: Having a sincere bond and understanding of your fellow bandmates does come across in the music you create. People will notice your authenticity, meaning they’ll be more likely to take to your project. 

 

Being in a band with your significant other ensures and enhances a strong understanding of each other. 

 

3. Increased Productivity

If you’re in a relationship with one of your bandmates, it’s likely that you’ll either live together or at least see a lot of each other. This means that you’ll be able to actively discuss or work on the band outside of your scheduled rehearsals. As playing in a band can often be a leisure activity in itself, it’s also a fantastic way to bond with your significant other. 

CONS

1. It Can Interfere With Your Personal Life 

Whilst the band can be a great way to bond with your significant other, it also has the possibility to impact your personal relationship. Here are a few things that could cause the band to impact your personal relationship: 

  • Band-related problems: Just like with your personal relationship, the band is bound to hit rough patches from time to time. When band-related issues occur, they have the potential to spill over into your personal relationship. 
  • Lack of balance: It can sometimes be difficult to achieve a balance between your romantic relationship and your relationship as bandmates:
  • Treating your significant other as a bandmate: If there are other members in your band other than your significant other, it’s important that there is no bias and that everyone is treated as equal. However, this is often much easier said than done. 
  • Lack of space: Space in some context can often be key to making a relationship work. If the band is causing you to spend an excessive amount of time with each other, it may negatively impact your personal relationship. 

 

2. Your Personal Life Can Interfere With The Band

Much like the previous point, your personal relationship also has the possibility of impacting the band. Here are a few things that could cause your personal relationship to impact the band:

  • Relationship-related problems: If your relationship is going through a rough patch, it has the potential to spill over into the band. 
  • Uneasiness from other members: If there are other members in your band apart from your significant other, it’s possible they might not be comfortable with your relationship. Whilst this can be unfortunate, it’s not an uncommon scenario. 
  • Breaking up: If you and your significant other happen to break up, this can have significant repercussions on the band. It will almost always result in one or both members leaving and likely put the other band members under a certain amount of stress. If the break up is acrimonious, this will only complicate things further. 

 

3. The Industry May Be Cautious

As we’ve just discussed, being in a band with your significant other has the potential to interfere with both your personal relationship and the band itself. By nature, being in a band with your significant other does carry a heightened sense of risk to the project’s longevity. For this reason, many industry operators are often cautious of bands featuring members in a romantic relationship.

 

FURTHER THINGS TO CONSIDER

If you’ve decided that the pros outweigh the cons of being in a band with your significant other, there are several things you should consider to ensure things go smoothly:

 

1. The Nature Of The Project

It’s vital to consider:

  • How serious the band isIf the project is purely for fun, there’s likely very little downside to playing alongside your significant other. However, if it’s a serious project which you’re aiming to obtain a stable income from, there’s significantly more risk involved. 
  • Who else is involved: If there are other band members, it’s important to ensure everyone is on the same page and being treated as equal

 

2. Ensure Your Relationship Is Stable 

If the band is a more serious or committed pursuit, it’s probably not the best idea to join whilst you’re still in the honeymoon phase. Ensure you’ve been together for an extended period of time and have built up a significant amount of trust and understanding between you before joining a serious project together. Furthermore, make sure there aren’t any glaring problems in your relationship as this could negatively impact the band. 

 

3. Consider What Will Happen If Things Don’t Work Out

No matter how strong your relationship may seem, it’s vital to plan what happens to the band if the relationship doesn’t work out. Having a pre-made agreement will make things much easier to deal with if you find yourself battling a wide array of emotions after a break up. Additionally, Indie Panda thoroughly recommends all bands create a written agreement between members upon formation to outline roles, finances, disbandment and resignation. 

 

 

 

 

I founded Indie Panda in mid-2018 to help independent musicians organically grow and develop their projects. I specialize in branding, identity, audience/industry engagement and project logistics.

I have a wealth of experience in both classical and popular music. After taking piano and violin lessons as a child, I went on to play first violin in philharmonic, symphonic and chamber orchestras throughout my adolescence. I began playing guitar and writing songs at the age of 13 and have played in a wide range of bands ever since. At the age of 18, my music received airplay for 30 consecutive days on BBC Radio, which led to an 'in-session' event where I performed live on the radio. I went on to earn a Music/Popular Music BA from the University of Liverpool, where I specialized in popular music performance.

I'm passionate about helping other artists realize the full potential of their talents and abilities through a strong work ethic, coherent project identity and a strong logistical foundation.

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